You will love again.

Someone told me this last year, when I was at my low point and broken and skeptical about love – that I would love again.

After a breakup, you go through this emo-nana heartbroken phrase where you feel like you’re never gonna love again, you question if you will ever find another man who will love you… I even started feeling prudish and I hated looking looking at pictures of happy couples. All these emotions of self-doubt crept into me and I started to feel less about myself.

I guess after you have believed so much in this guy, so much in how he is the one and how you are going to build life together; to have it all crashing down on you and realising he’s not what he seemed to be and that everything was a lie – the shock was what hurt the most.

So I took the time to heal (as you might have read my posts from a year ago) and I spent the past year leading a very independent life. I just focused on building my happiness, just doing me and making sure I don’t need to depend on a partner for validation. I focused on learning how to be alone and how to enjoy my own company. This was my biggest learning lesson from it all.

The thing about getting cheated on is that it leaves you feeling somewhat inferior. You will inevitably compare yourself to “the other woman” and wonder where you could have done better during the course of the relationship. But frankly, if the guy is unfaithful to you, then you deserve more than that lah. Don’t let the inferiority dwell in you for too long – it’s not worth it.

My heart was left feeling fragile but I never closed off the option of getting into a relationship again. I did want to be alone for a while and was being a prude, but healing goes through several stages and after I got out of that, I went on Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel to see if I could potentially meet anyone. My intention was just to make friends, meet more guys and who knows what will come out of that? But as the higher powers would allow it, I had zero matches on Tinder. REALLY.

I recall swiping furiously for all of two nights and I came up with no matches. Ok I swiped left mostly, but there just didn’t seem to have any interesting people. So I deleted the app after two nights. As for Coffee Meets Bagel, I chatted with a few and met one guy from there, but this guy was a real weirdo. Tall, good-looking chap, but his sexual innuendoes were so out of line I found them offensive.

Then I decided that I probably wasn’t ready to start going out with guys again, even if it was just to be friends, and that I should just let these things happen naturally. The powers from above perhaps felt that I should continue on my quest for self-love and let matters of the heart happen when they do.

You know what? You’re never gonna be ready. There will never be a specific point where you will be like, “Ok I’m ready to love again, I’m ready to date again, I’m ready to get into a serious relationship again.” I just left my heart on the sleeve and kept my mind open.

Truth is, I didn’t date until sometime in June this year, with the help of Tinder. Somehow the men around me are either married, happily attached, not emotionally available or not interested in women. I wasn’t in a hurry to get attached of course, but I admit I had moments where I wondered if something was wrong with me. Some of my friends assumed that I had guys chasing me or asking me out, but nada, zilch, nope there were none.

Then I did the campaign for Grab x Tinder and figured I should just get on Tinder again – no harm right? This time I started getting matches! But strangely, only 10% of the matches would actually talk to you or reply you (I usually took the initiative to say hi first) and of this 10%, many simply fall off the radar and stop chatting suddenly… even after the conversation moved on to WhatsApp. I did meet about 11 people in a span of three months and I think I can write an entire post on my experiences.

To sum it up, of all that I met I developed feelings for one. We had the same interests and we got along really well and we were making progress (or so I thought)… until he ghosted me. Without word or warning, he just didn’t have interest anymore. I didn’t confront him about it – not my style. I just figured that you cannot go onto Tinder expecting to find real love. That was my mistake. I got carried away and became too hopeful.

Take these online dating apps as a way to meet more friends, but don’t expect anything more than that. The advantage of Tinder – getting to meet many people online quickly – is also its disadvantage. It gives people a false sense of invincibility because you feel that you have a myriad of options at your fingertips. But because someone matched with you, it doesn’t mean that they like you. They just think your photos are chio!

That ghosting episode left me feeling a little upset but I didn’t invest too much emotionally yet, so I could put it down quite quickly. I went on with my life, continued swiping lol, and then the stars aligned.

Love happens unexpectedly and catches you off guard. And sometimes it happens so fast that you find yourself running out of breath to keep up. Yes, I met someone and let’s call him M. I found myself holding back initially because it seemed so smooth that it felt too good to be true, but I’ve also learnt that you should just live in the moment and go with the flow. There will be some fear of getting hurt again, so just take things slow and remember, don’t let the past ruin your future.

Love will find you again. Don’t keep harping on it, don’t worry about when it will happen, don’t think that there’s anything wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you my dear. Just focus on loving yourself, keeping happy, believing in yourself and keep chasing those passions and dreams.

The rest will fall in place and you will love again.