• About
  • Contact
  • Contact Us

Follow my adventures at @cheryltaysg!

  • Home
  • Cars
  • Motorsports
  • Sports
  • Fitness
  • Lifestyle
  • Photography
  • About
  • Contact

The big 3 – #AloneWithoutBeingLonely

0 Comment
 14 Oct 2016   Posted by Cheryl Tay


Ssshhhh, a woman’s age is a secret… not! Welcome to the Big 3 Club, they all say. OMG I’m 30. RAAR! But as they say, age is just a number. I’m at a time of my life where I’m genuinely happy and I have so much love around me. 2016 has been wild and what a year it has been, what a difference a year makes.

In life, we are allowed to evolve; we are allowed to become who we want to be. Sometimes, we go through certain experiences and it changes us, but that’s how we rise and go on to discover who we really are.

As we grow older, birthdays become less significant but I’ve been a really lucky girl this year. This year is also special because I’ve finally found my purpose in life – through Rock The Naked Truth – to help people find themselves again and realise how much there is to love about themselves.

I cannot be more grateful for all the people who have fought for me and got my back at all times. You know who you are – from my family to my friends to my #ROCKfam and also all the sweet messages from my followers. I am not alone and you aren’t either.

coat

30thbday2

 

yellow dress

It’s funny how one year ago on my birthday I thought I had it all – a strong family and supportive friends, I was about to launch Rock The Naked Truth and I thought I found The One (ha!). One year later and I’m like, WHOAAAAA look at where life has taken me to.

THIS is what life really is – when you finally chase out the demons in your soul and the darkness in your heart and really be in touch with yourself. Then you can really feel all the love around you and be fulfilled without needing to always be with someone romantically. WOOHOO!

Facing your inner demons

The most important lesson I’ve learnt this year is the true meaning of self-love. It’s extends beyond just physical and being comfortable with your body; it is also about finding the courage to step away from toxic people and situations in life; be it relationships, friendships or career.

A lot of times, we don’t realise that we are actually in a toxic relationship even if something bad happens, such as getting cheated on, losing all your money and burning a hole in your pocket, or being abused physically or emotionally. A toxic relationship is not just about infidelity or abuse, but it can also be a situation where you are often put down by your partner, you aren’t given commitment, you are being manipulated and controlled, you’re not a priority, everything is at their convenience on their own terms and you’re just unable to be yourself or be happy. All of these can be put down to emotional abuse.

The problem is, women in general have an innate tendency to save the relationship and we think we are being strong by staying on in the relationship. We will do whatever we can to help our partners because we feel that’s our duty to stick by our man through thick and thin.

We feel that this is the absolute one for us and you feel like you have known each other for a long time, and so you hold on to it very tightly and will do whatever it takes to make it work. You call yourself a fighter and you will not give up because you really love him. You keep quiet about your pain because you want to make things easy for them, thinking that is love. You choose not to speak up because you want to give them their space.

But hey, you deserve every bit of respect and time that you are giving them too. Sure, one person will definitely give more than the other and every relationship will have its kinks, but you need to know where to draw the line. How much is too much? Stop making excuses for them and start to think for yourself. Because if you don’t think for yourself, then who will? He is obviously only thinking for himself and the truth is, the only person he loves is himself.

They will give you just enough to keep you around, but why should you settle for minimum? Because when he drops you like a hot potato when he’s bored of you or has already given his heart to someone else while you were trying to save things, you will break down and fall deeper into the rabbit hole.

This brings me back to my point of self-worth.

If you value yourself right, you will know when it’s time to cut the line. You don’t need to wait around like a fool for him to make a decision, you don’t need to pull your hair out to help him become a better person, neither do you need to make yourself feel worse because he dumped you or cheated on you.

Yes you did your best, yes you put in the effort, yes you will do whatever it takes to save the relationship. But is it worth it really? You compromise on your values, you find yourself more submissive than usual, you choose to take everything in and not speak up about your suffering, you still continue to paint a good picture of him, you go on thinking that you are at fault and you blame yourself.

Honey, the problem is not you.

Don’t let them make you feel inadequate. If they keep stringing you along, you know you have full power to stand up and cut them off. When a guy says “I’m not sure about us”, “I need time to think about us” or “I don’t think I’m ready for commitment”, that’s your cue to say SAYONARA. BYE FELICIA. When a guy says they are dealing with their own issues that no one can understand, you need to throw out the Mother Teresa vibe in you and not think of saving him anymore.

Why do you want to stick around and try and change their minds? Why do you go on and think about where your flaws are and how you can be better so they will want you? Forget it, you deserve better. Go and give your love to someone legit.

It’s a two-way street – you are insecure hence you attract toxic people and vice versa, your insecurities get exacerbated when you are in a toxic relationship. So here’s where you start working on yourself FOR YOURSELF. Because when you have low self-esteem and think little of yourself, you end up settling for less. You keep thinking of the good things he has done (which is just part of an act) and you refuse to see how terribly you have been treated.

Strength is real and it’s in you. You just got to summon it, BUT first, are you ready to face your demons?

Many recognise that they have issues with confidence and are not able to love themselves, yet they keep running away. I know it is a lot more convenient to just brush the problems under the carpet and carrying on trying in the relationship, even though you aren’t happy. So stop being in denial – if you know it’s not working out, don’t stubbornly cling on. Cut your losses early!

Fear of being alone

I know there’s this worry of not being able to find someone who will love you and the idea of being alone scares you. But this is where you need to learn to love yourself and that means learning to be alone without being lonely.

I admit I used to be the kind who always needs to be in a relationship and I will jump from one to another continuously, but now I’ve actually learnt to enjoy my own company and really, it’s only when you know how to be alone without being lonely, then you are ready for a relationship… Otherwise you will keep falling into unloving ones and keep attaching your self-worth to your partner. Then when will you have time to find yourself?

Channel your energy into a deeper search for yourself and standing on your own feet. Once you’re at peace with yourself, you will start radiating happiness and positivity… and you will draw the right energy to you, instead of attracting douchebags. You don’t need a guy to complete you. You are whole yourself.

There is a lot of love around you from friends and family. Sure, it’s not the same kind of romantic satisfaction or fulfilment you get from a partner, but it will help to make you less needy if you know how to receive the other kinds of love. YOU ARE LOVE – ultimately, you have the power to give yourself love. As cliche as it is, you need to love yourself first before others can love you.

Dump the emotional crutches

Today I grant you courage to stand up and cut away the poison in your life. It’s gonna be painful – I won’t lie – but the rewards are for life.

Don’t blame yourself for being stupid, don’t blame him for not being the person you wanted him to be – you chose to stay, but now you remembered that you can walk away. You have the power to make the choice and responsibility to look out for yourself.

Start to search for who you really are – not just about your character flaws, but the search for your deeper soul. Take time to heal and don’t rush into another relationship immediately, because that’s just jumping right onto another emotional crutch and you will never learn to stand alone. It will take time, so be patient and be brave.

As we get older, we invest more heavily into the relationships – emotionally and even financially – hence we end up having higher expectations and a deeper attachment. Eventually when shit happens, we hurt because that one person we believed in with all our hearts and souls disappointed you in some of the worst ways possible.

It’s not because they aren’t the person you want them to be (you shouldn’t be setting standards of how they should be), but it hurts because your perception of who you thought they are vastly contrasted who they really are (when they finally show their true colours).

You need to convince yourself that you deserve better and you are worthy. If you don’t let go of your issues, this cycle will continue and you will keep going from one toxic relationship to another, feeling worse and worse after each one ends. Truth is, you will keep getting into unloving relationships if you continue to think little of yourself.

Be present and be more self-aware. Yes you aren’t perfect and you will have your flaws too, but don’t take shit that you don’t deserve. Open your eyes to see their true colours, stop focusing on who you want them to be and work on yourself instead. Stop giving your energy to them and use it for yourself.

More often than not, we think we know who we are, but we actually don’t. Stop living life for others and start living for yourself. Just DO YOU. Just be. And stay classy, rise above all.

bdaycelebrations

(Photos by the amazing Ivan Joshua Loh and makeup by Vera Lim)

IMG_9175

IMG_9181

IMG_9183

IMG_9219

IMG_9176

IMG_9208

Related Posts

  • 5 life lessons learnt in 20165 life lessons learnt in 2016
  • Self-love.Self-love.
  • #ROCKloveSG – What does self-love mean to you?#ROCKloveSG – What does self-love mean to you?
  • My sister’s convocation at UQMy sister’s convocation at UQ
  • #BestOf2016#BestOf2016

Share and Enjoy !

0Shares
0 0
Written by Cheryl Tay

  • Search Cheryl Tay’s posts

  • About Cheryl Tay

    563588_392090887491821_131620790205500_1178808_177312844_n_resized


    First establishing herself in the world of cars and motorsports, Cheryl Tay is a sports and fitness blogger who advocates living an active and healthy lifestyle. Founder of body image movement Rock The Naked Truth, Cheryl overcame over a decade of eating disorders and is now passionate about helping people with similar struggles. She also has a running club ROCKrunners and a tri-enthusiast club ROCKtri.

    Rock The Naked Truth encourages others to be comfortable in their own skin and to learn that there is more to life than just being a slave to the numbers on your scale. Truly, life has more meaning than just forcing yourself to look good - it's most important to be happy and feel good about yourself!

    Previously...
    > Fitness columnist for Yahoo! Sports
    > Founder of ELITE (fitness competition)
    > Motoring writer for TODAY
    > Columnist for Rev / Run magazines
    > Official photographer for ONE Championship
    > Media manager for Formula Drift Asia
    > PR manager for PETRONAS Syntium Team
    > Business development for Kartright Speedway
    > F1 youth speaker for Singapore GP
  • Recent Posts

    • Our Love Story: Grace & Cheryl
    • Summing up 2020…
    • Goodbye, Golf
    • The N*ked Athlete
    • Rock The Naked Truth x Our Bralette Club 2020
  • Archives

    • 2021 (2)
      • April (1)
      • January (1)
    • 2020 (14)
      • November (1)
      • September (2)
      • August (1)
      • July (1)
      • April (4)
      • March (1)
      • February (2)
      • January (2)
    • 2019 (23)
      • December (4)
      • November (3)
      • October (5)
      • September (1)
      • August (1)
      • June (3)
      • May (2)
      • April (1)
      • March (1)
      • February (1)
      • January (1)
    • 2018 (21)
      • November (2)
      • October (1)
      • September (1)
      • August (1)
      • July (3)
      • June (2)
      • May (3)
      • April (1)
      • March (3)
      • February (3)
      • January (1)
    • 2017 (35)
      • December (1)
      • November (4)
      • October (4)
      • September (5)
      • August (5)
      • July (3)
      • May (7)
      • March (2)
      • February (1)
      • January (3)
    • 2016 (55)
      • December (7)
      • November (3)
      • October (3)
      • September (5)
      • August (2)
      • July (3)
      • June (2)
      • May (5)
      • April (1)
      • March (7)
      • February (8)
      • January (9)
    • 2015 (149)
      • December (4)
      • November (8)
      • October (12)
      • September (15)
      • August (19)
      • July (16)
      • June (16)
      • May (16)
      • April (8)
      • March (13)
      • February (14)
      • January (8)
    • 2014 (469)
      • December (16)
      • November (26)
      • October (20)
      • September (16)
      • August (38)
      • July (52)
      • June (64)
      • May (71)
      • April (49)
      • March (55)
      • February (29)
      • January (33)
    • 2013 (135)
      • December (23)
      • November (30)
      • October (31)
      • September (38)
      • August (13)
  • cheryltaysg

    Spark your running experience with the NEW PUMA Ni Spark your running experience with the NEW PUMA Nitro run collection - which I got to try ahead of its official launch.

Find out more at the virtual launch of the new PUMA Nitro run collection happening tomorrow at 5pm.

Register at - https://go.puma.com/NitroRunCollectionVirtualLaunch
    Someone said I don't wear real clothes anymore, be Someone said I don't wear real clothes anymore, because it seems like I'm always either in a bikini or bralette LOL.

#livingmybestlife #bikiniempire #bikinilife
    Cycling on the road can be dangerous and scary, so Cycling on the road can be dangerous and scary, so make sure you're equipped safely - helmet is a MUST! And always be alert as some drivers can be real a-holes on the road.

I've experienced drivers intentionally coming close to me to "squeeze" me off, drivers coming near me and honking aggressively, drivers winding down their windows to scold us... I'm also a driver and a cyclist and a motorbike rider, so I can relate to the different perspectives on the road.

Let's all exercise more patience so we can co-exist on the roads safer!

📷: @jinellachua
    The full proposal video, just in case you missed i The full proposal video, just in case you missed it. I really didn't see this coming and it was a sweet surprise!

We just got off the yacht and was gonna head home, so there I was with my hair in a mess and my clothes still wet. She suddenly pulled me and said "I love you darling" and I replied, "I love you too" and wanted to continue walking but she held onto me and I was like, huh what's going on.

Then she opened a ring box and I went, "What?!" as you can see in the video lol. I soon realised what was happening and the first thing I did was step out of frame to put my things down because I didn't want to look 'auntie' hahahahaha. #priorities

When I turned back she went on her knee and the tears started flowing.

"I chose these rings because they contain two elements, from the Earth and the sky, because you ground me yet keep my head in the clouds. I cannot imagine my life without you, will you marry me, Cheryl Tay Pei Shi?"

Of course I said yes.

And then couldn't stop crying.

I also love how my friends were cheering on the sidelines and shouting instructions like corner men in a fight. Hahahahaha!

Watching this makes me cry again, aawww. Thank you @rriley @thepinksoldier @jyanyoga @censkiii @latimerbarbara @itshaneri for witnessing this special moment of my life and for sharing in our joy.

To a lifetime ahead @thehuangergames, ilysm.

❤
    Sometimes you gotta just set yourself free. Sometimes you gotta just set yourself free.
    Sliding into the new week be like... whee! Sliding into the new week be like... whee!
    When you have 1,863 photos from a yacht party, get When you have 1,863 photos from a yacht party, get ready for photo spam.
    Someone got the best seat in the house and was cle Someone got the best seat in the house and was clearly happy about it 😆😆😆🍑🍑🍑

#sunsoutbunsout #bikiniempire
    Bikini Empire episode 2 with new cast members! 8 o Bikini Empire episode 2 with new cast members! 8 of us this time - which means more fun, more laughs, more shenanigans.

Thank you girls for always being so spontaneous, authentic and crazy! Also, thank you for being part of a special day I never saw coming and one that I will remember for life.
    I said yes 💍 I said yes 💍
    Got to meet little Luca who isn't even a week old Got to meet little Luca who isn't even a week old yet! Oh my heart, what an adorable baby. Yes, my ovaries burst once again. Congrats @kellylatimer and @justin.loi!!

📷: @justin.loi
    Just waiting to take my Class 2A Traffic Police te Just waiting to take my Class 2A Traffic Police test in May! Ooh I can't wait to upgrade to a bigger bike, whee!!!

The waiting time for lessons is quite long, so it's taken a while to clear the practical lessons but yay finally done with the lessons. We only have 3 practical lessons for Class 2A and I waited a month between each lesson phew.

Appreciate the instructors at CDC working overtime so they can clear the backlog (due to circuit breaker a year ago) and have more slots opened for us. 🙏🙏🙏

Just gotta be patient!

📷: @buffalochua
    The happiest girls are the prettiest, so keep wear The happiest girls are the prettiest, so keep wearing that smile!

#throwback #staycationsg #staycay #warehousegirls #ourbraletteclub
    Death by kisses. Death by kisses.
    In Singapore's tropical weather, the go-to outfit In Singapore's tropical weather, the go-to outfit is almost always shorts and slippers - or a bikini. Here's one comfy leisure outfit from @koruathleisure that is perfect for the beach!
    Life's always better in a bikini. Life's always better in a bikini.
    The other time when I decided to wear a bralette o The other time when I decided to wear a bralette out as a top for girls' night out 😘😘😘
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLIVER! This rascal turns 4 today a HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLIVER! This rascal turns 4 today and is still making my ovaries melt. You've grown to be such a sweet, smart and cheeky boy! Stay curious, stay eager and I hope you will always remember this Auntie Cheryl who loves feeding you snacks heehee.

Also, can I say, watching @thehuangergames with him at the aquarium made my ovaries burst - he is so special to me so this means a lot to me.

Thank you @ian_acy and @jairachelle for loaning us your firstborn to play house for a day hahahahahahaha!
    More slumber parties please! Had such a good time More slumber parties please!

Had such a good time with these 2 babes and I can't stop laughing at the random videos I found in my phone the next morning LOL. #drunktalk

*Thanks for the bralettes, @ourbralette.club! I really like the strappy designs.
    Would you take me home to your mum? Would you take me home to your mum?
    Load More... Follow on Instagram



Copyright © 2019 Cheryl Tay. All Rights Reserved.