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The big 3 – #AloneWithoutBeingLonely

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 14 Oct 2016   Posted by Cheryl Tay


Ssshhhh, a woman’s age is a secret… not! Welcome to the Big 3 Club, they all say. OMG I’m 30. RAAR! But as they say, age is just a number. I’m at a time of my life where I’m genuinely happy and I have so much love around me. 2016 has been wild and what a year it has been, what a difference a year makes.

In life, we are allowed to evolve; we are allowed to become who we want to be. Sometimes, we go through certain experiences and it changes us, but that’s how we rise and go on to discover who we really are.

As we grow older, birthdays become less significant but I’ve been a really lucky girl this year. This year is also special because I’ve finally found my purpose in life – through Rock The Naked Truth – to help people find themselves again and realise how much there is to love about themselves.

I cannot be more grateful for all the people who have fought for me and got my back at all times. You know who you are – from my family to my friends to my #ROCKfam and also all the sweet messages from my followers. I am not alone and you aren’t either.

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30thbday2

 

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It’s funny how one year ago on my birthday I thought I had it all – a strong family and supportive friends, I was about to launch Rock The Naked Truth and I thought I found The One (ha!). One year later and I’m like, WHOAAAAA look at where life has taken me to.

THIS is what life really is – when you finally chase out the demons in your soul and the darkness in your heart and really be in touch with yourself. Then you can really feel all the love around you and be fulfilled without needing to always be with someone romantically. WOOHOO!

Facing your inner demons

The most important lesson I’ve learnt this year is the true meaning of self-love. It’s extends beyond just physical and being comfortable with your body; it is also about finding the courage to step away from toxic people and situations in life; be it relationships, friendships or career.

A lot of times, we don’t realise that we are actually in a toxic relationship even if something bad happens, such as getting cheated on, losing all your money and burning a hole in your pocket, or being abused physically or emotionally. A toxic relationship is not just about infidelity or abuse, but it can also be a situation where you are often put down by your partner, you aren’t given commitment, you are being manipulated and controlled, you’re not a priority, everything is at their convenience on their own terms and you’re just unable to be yourself or be happy. All of these can be put down to emotional abuse.

The problem is, women in general have an innate tendency to save the relationship and we think we are being strong by staying on in the relationship. We will do whatever we can to help our partners because we feel that’s our duty to stick by our man through thick and thin.

We feel that this is the absolute one for us and you feel like you have known each other for a long time, and so you hold on to it very tightly and will do whatever it takes to make it work. You call yourself a fighter and you will not give up because you really love him. You keep quiet about your pain because you want to make things easy for them, thinking that is love. You choose not to speak up because you want to give them their space.

But hey, you deserve every bit of respect and time that you are giving them too. Sure, one person will definitely give more than the other and every relationship will have its kinks, but you need to know where to draw the line. How much is too much? Stop making excuses for them and start to think for yourself. Because if you don’t think for yourself, then who will? He is obviously only thinking for himself and the truth is, the only person he loves is himself.

They will give you just enough to keep you around, but why should you settle for minimum? Because when he drops you like a hot potato when he’s bored of you or has already given his heart to someone else while you were trying to save things, you will break down and fall deeper into the rabbit hole.

This brings me back to my point of self-worth.

If you value yourself right, you will know when it’s time to cut the line. You don’t need to wait around like a fool for him to make a decision, you don’t need to pull your hair out to help him become a better person, neither do you need to make yourself feel worse because he dumped you or cheated on you.

Yes you did your best, yes you put in the effort, yes you will do whatever it takes to save the relationship. But is it worth it really? You compromise on your values, you find yourself more submissive than usual, you choose to take everything in and not speak up about your suffering, you still continue to paint a good picture of him, you go on thinking that you are at fault and you blame yourself.

Honey, the problem is not you.

Don’t let them make you feel inadequate. If they keep stringing you along, you know you have full power to stand up and cut them off. When a guy says “I’m not sure about us”, “I need time to think about us” or “I don’t think I’m ready for commitment”, that’s your cue to say SAYONARA. BYE FELICIA. When a guy says they are dealing with their own issues that no one can understand, you need to throw out the Mother Teresa vibe in you and not think of saving him anymore.

Why do you want to stick around and try and change their minds? Why do you go on and think about where your flaws are and how you can be better so they will want you? Forget it, you deserve better. Go and give your love to someone legit.

It’s a two-way street – you are insecure hence you attract toxic people and vice versa, your insecurities get exacerbated when you are in a toxic relationship. So here’s where you start working on yourself FOR YOURSELF. Because when you have low self-esteem and think little of yourself, you end up settling for less. You keep thinking of the good things he has done (which is just part of an act) and you refuse to see how terribly you have been treated.

Strength is real and it’s in you. You just got to summon it, BUT first, are you ready to face your demons?

Many recognise that they have issues with confidence and are not able to love themselves, yet they keep running away. I know it is a lot more convenient to just brush the problems under the carpet and carrying on trying in the relationship, even though you aren’t happy. So stop being in denial – if you know it’s not working out, don’t stubbornly cling on. Cut your losses early!

Fear of being alone

I know there’s this worry of not being able to find someone who will love you and the idea of being alone scares you. But this is where you need to learn to love yourself and that means learning to be alone without being lonely.

I admit I used to be the kind who always needs to be in a relationship and I will jump from one to another continuously, but now I’ve actually learnt to enjoy my own company and really, it’s only when you know how to be alone without being lonely, then you are ready for a relationship… Otherwise you will keep falling into unloving ones and keep attaching your self-worth to your partner. Then when will you have time to find yourself?

Channel your energy into a deeper search for yourself and standing on your own feet. Once you’re at peace with yourself, you will start radiating happiness and positivity… and you will draw the right energy to you, instead of attracting douchebags. You don’t need a guy to complete you. You are whole yourself.

There is a lot of love around you from friends and family. Sure, it’s not the same kind of romantic satisfaction or fulfilment you get from a partner, but it will help to make you less needy if you know how to receive the other kinds of love. YOU ARE LOVE – ultimately, you have the power to give yourself love. As cliche as it is, you need to love yourself first before others can love you.

Dump the emotional crutches

Today I grant you courage to stand up and cut away the poison in your life. It’s gonna be painful – I won’t lie – but the rewards are for life.

Don’t blame yourself for being stupid, don’t blame him for not being the person you wanted him to be – you chose to stay, but now you remembered that you can walk away. You have the power to make the choice and responsibility to look out for yourself.

Start to search for who you really are – not just about your character flaws, but the search for your deeper soul. Take time to heal and don’t rush into another relationship immediately, because that’s just jumping right onto another emotional crutch and you will never learn to stand alone. It will take time, so be patient and be brave.

As we get older, we invest more heavily into the relationships – emotionally and even financially – hence we end up having higher expectations and a deeper attachment. Eventually when shit happens, we hurt because that one person we believed in with all our hearts and souls disappointed you in some of the worst ways possible.

It’s not because they aren’t the person you want them to be (you shouldn’t be setting standards of how they should be), but it hurts because your perception of who you thought they are vastly contrasted who they really are (when they finally show their true colours).

You need to convince yourself that you deserve better and you are worthy. If you don’t let go of your issues, this cycle will continue and you will keep going from one toxic relationship to another, feeling worse and worse after each one ends. Truth is, you will keep getting into unloving relationships if you continue to think little of yourself.

Be present and be more self-aware. Yes you aren’t perfect and you will have your flaws too, but don’t take shit that you don’t deserve. Open your eyes to see their true colours, stop focusing on who you want them to be and work on yourself instead. Stop giving your energy to them and use it for yourself.

More often than not, we think we know who we are, but we actually don’t. Stop living life for others and start living for yourself. Just DO YOU. Just be. And stay classy, rise above all.

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(Photos by the amazing Ivan Joshua Loh and makeup by Vera Lim)

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    First establishing herself in the world of cars and motorsports, Cheryl Tay is a sports and fitness blogger who advocates living an active and healthy lifestyle. Founder of body image movement Rock The Naked Truth, Cheryl overcame over a decade of eating disorders and is now passionate about helping people with similar struggles. She also has a running club ROCKrunners and a tri-enthusiast club ROCKtri.

    Rock The Naked Truth encourages others to be comfortable in their own skin and to learn that there is more to life than just being a slave to the numbers on your scale. Truly, life has more meaning than just forcing yourself to look good - it's most important to be happy and feel good about yourself!

    Previously...
    > Fitness columnist for Yahoo! Sports
    > Founder of ELITE (fitness competition)
    > Motoring writer for TODAY
    > Columnist for Rev / Run magazines
    > Official photographer for ONE Championship
    > Media manager for Formula Drift Asia
    > PR manager for PETRONAS Syntium Team
    > Business development for Kartright Speedway
    > F1 youth speaker for Singapore GP
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    Boys bailed on us girls so it was just @sarahhy0r1 Boys bailed on us girls so it was just @sarahhy0r1n and I and we decided to take on the hills of the South. Spent all morning grunting and cursing and swearing, hahahahaha!

#cheryltayworksout #triathlon #triathlete #trifit #trilife #trilove #trigirls #getfit #lovefit #fitforlife #fitness #fitnesseveryday #instafit #igfit #ironmantri #ironmantraining #activelife #cycling #thecyclinglife
    Some roller skating action with @jadeseah this arv Some roller skating action with @jadeseah this arvo. Well, not really a lot of action because it's my first time trying roller skating so we mostly just went round and round. It's different from inline skating, harder!

P.S. like my Hello Kitty socks? Heehee

#rollerskating #roundandround
    Found this in my archives. A time in 2011 when I h Found this in my archives. A time in 2011 when I had long permed hair and youth (and non existent eyebrows) on my side. Wow. I like my eyebrows better now, thank goodness for eyebrow embroidery hahahaha.

#throwback #nojudging #pastorpresent

📷: @ansonchew
    After setting up @rockthenakedtruthsg, I started t After setting up @rockthenakedtruthsg, I started to learn more about body image and I came to a realisation that the more attractive one is, the more likely he/she is insecure about their body.

You would think otherwise because they have a 'great body' with skinny legs, thigh gap, small waist, "11" abs, nice boobs (for girls), but they are actually not as confident as you think they are.

People would die for these bodies, people are dieting and doing stupid things to get this kind of body, but these 'more attractive' people are actually insecure about the very body society desires.

Why insecure? I spoke to some of them and they cited reasons like: Afraid to lose the body because they feel their identity is tied to their body, afraid they may not look like that one day, afraid they do not look good enough.

So my hope is that everyone will come to accept their body no matter how it looks, and not be afraid to be judged. I mean, who gives these people a right to judge you?

Your body, own it!

#rockthenakedtruth
    No such thing as too pink. 🤭🤭🤭 Queen Bit No such thing as too pink. 🤭🤭🤭

Queen Bitch II always makes me so proud.

#rockthenakedtruth #cheryltayworksout #triathlon #triathlete #trifit #trilife #trilove #trigirls #getfit #lovefit #fitforlife #fitness #fitnesseveryday #instafit #igfit #ironmantri #ironmantraining #activelife #cycling #thecyclinglife
    Wooooo managed to get some speedy action (on a wet Wooooo managed to get some speedy action (on a wet track which made things so slippery) thanks to @audisingapore! Oh my back and arms... how did I use to race those kart endurance races 10 years ago? 🤣🤣🤣

#audisingapore #gokarting #aging #motorsports #motorracing #karting #kartracing #vroomvroom
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I wanted @jyanyoga to base me just for ONE photo, but she ended up sending me into several moves, which scared me a little but with the help of @branstands, I got into a few poses so now I have a few photos to share. Yay!

To more of such collabs!!!

📷: @_yaops_

#GRITYARDSG #jyanyogastudio #acroyoga
    HELLO 2021! Thank YOU for being here with me thro HELLO 2021!

Thank YOU for being here with me through my journey of life, as I grow and progress. You, my IG fam, are a significant part of support network! Happy new year everybahdee!!

😘😘😘🥰🥰🥰❤❤❤

P.S. Let me know what kind of content you want to see more from me?

#happynewyear #2021
    My favourite 9 photos of 2020! Even though this ye My favourite 9 photos of 2020! Even though this year took us down different paths, it has still been a very fulfilling year for me and I am grateful for everything that I have - my health, my family, my work, my friends, my sports.

Here's a quick recap of how my 2020 went:

1) Kicked off the year with @rockthenakedtruthsg's 4th anniversary with a track relay event that had 100 participants, supported by Moulmein-Cairnhill CSC

2) Spent a weekend at integrated fitness resort Thanyapura Phuket for @teampurpose's inaugural retreat

3) Passed my Class 2B test and bought a motorbike (Honda CBR150R)

4) Raced in the Ironman 70.3 Bangsaen, my only race for the year

5) Appointed Editor for @runsg

6) Got my own wakeboarding gear, woooo!

7) Opened up about my Pruvit journey and how it has changed my life, as well as shared about the benefits of ketones

8) Did lots of live stuff like IG live workouts for @100plus_singapore and also a live FB launch for @theragunsg

9) Did my second strategically nude shoot with @ivanjoshualoh for @rockthenakedtruthsg

10) Had the privilege to work on key campaigns with brands like @aveenosg, @huawei.sg, @jaybirdsport, and also produced virtual content for Moulmein-Cairnhill CSC and Sengkang East CSC

11) Ran the second edition of @100plus_singapore's OUTDO YOURSELF 2020 programme and trained 5 individuals @tngying @bec010 @reneetee72 @channelweng @angmo_kantang for the @sgmarathon Grand Finale

12) Created content with and for homegrown brands @teampurpose and @grityardsg, implementing several key launches and initiatives

13) Collaborated with @our.braletteclub, @goyathelabel, @standsg, @sloggisg, @huawei.sg on campaigns for @rockthenakedtruthsg

14) Started going into video production in the role of a producer and helping to produce videos

15) Got a new car - traded my 5yo VW Golf for a Honda Civic

16) Revamped my humble bachelorette pad, which is now so cosy and feeling more like a home

Thank you to all who have continued to support me and believe in me, both in the personal and career space. The year has turned out differently from planned, but it still turned out good!

How has 2020 gone for you?
    Following my house revamp, it's now time for some Following my house revamp, it's now time for some deep cleaning. Since I've moved in 3.5 years ago, I've not done any deep cleaning so there is definitely work to be done heh.

The @surecleansg professional cleaning team came over to work on my home and I was so impressed with their cleaning! (You know you're upping your auntie level when you get excited seeing things get cleaned and get intrigued by these fancy cool machines.) You can swipe to see the before/after results!

For my bachelorette space of 600 sqft, they sent a team of 3 who worked on the place simultaneously. Altogether they took 4 hours for the Home Deep Cleaning and Disinfection; sofa and mattress cleaning are add-ons to the package. 

They also have their own products, like their own Germclean disinfectant that has silver ion technology and 24h residual disinfection and can last on surfaces for 30 days, which they used on my home AND you can purchase to use too.

Quote 'CHERYLTAYSG' to get 15% off with min. spend of $250 before GST. You can book on sureclean.com.sg!

#sureclean #homecleaning
    Who can say no to ice cream or froyo? And when it Who can say no to ice cream or froyo? And when it has NO SUGAR ADDED, that's even better.

@yolesingapore has opened their newest outlet at Vivocity and the ice cream and froyo served all have NO sugar added! Soon, the rest of the outlets will follow suit.

But hey, don't use this as an excuse to go mad on the toppings ya!

Use 'CHERYLxYOLE' to get $1 off their NO SUGAR ADDED ice cream and froyo at Yole Vivocity from now to 31 December.

P.S. the photo wall damn cute!

#yolesingapore #yolevivocity #nosugaradded
    Someone came over today and made himself very comf Someone came over today and made himself very comfortable on my couch whilst watching Bee Movie for the 100000000th time.

#spotthehuman
    Not shown in picture - my pink socks and pink bicy Not shown in picture - my pink socks and pink bicycle. 🤣🤣🤣 Only one way to spend Christmas, all decked out in pink for a 160km ride. MERRY CHRISTMAS everybahdee!!

#cheryltayworksout #triathlon #triathlete #trifit #trilife #trilove #trigirls #getfit #lovefit #fitforlife #fitness #fitnesseveryday #instafit #igfit #ironmantri #ironmantraining #activelife #teampurpose #purposeasia #cycling #thecyclinglife
    Home revamp completed! 🥰🥰🥰 I've been spen Home revamp completed! 🥰🥰🥰 I've been spending a lot more time at home this year, which gave me the push to make some improvements to the house so I can be more comfortable at home.

It's been 3.5 years since I moved in, but I've mostly just treated this as a house, somewhere to stay, and not really put the effort to make it a home home.

When I first moved in, I wasn't keen to do up the house much because I felt that I might get married one day and move out, so why bother to spend money? So I only added a counter to separate the kitchenette from the living area, and set up my bike trainer next to the sofa.

These made the house quite cluttered and it just got messier and messier over the years as I accumulated more stuff, and was often too tired or busy to clear up. I mean, it was just me and I don't invite friends over, so I let the mess manifest.

Finally, I decided to revamp the place and I'm glad I did!

I got rid of the counter, built cupboards and shelves into the walls for more storage space, got zip blinds so I could convert the balcony into a usable space, did vinyl flooring over the original glossy floor which is hard to maintain (and I was wearing bedroom slippers all the time), and got a dining table set that doubles up as my work station.

The result is amazing! I wish I could say this was a DIY project, but no, I engaged the services for the various things I did... after taking time to source for the best deals with value and quality!

The home feels like a home now and this might sound strange, but having more physical space actually has a calming effect on me and psychologically I feel better!

If you have any budget home decor ideas, please share! My only decor ideas are multiple stuffed toys and Hello Kitty memorabilia lol.

Now I'm looking forward to hosting friends at my revamped space I call home!

#homesweethome
    One good thing about the frozen meals from Not Jus One good thing about the frozen meals from Not Just CarrotSticks is that you can take it straight from the freezer into the microwave oven. In just 5 minutes, your plant-based meal is ready!

The plastic sheet will peel off by itself once the food is heated, so all you need to do is peel it off and you're good to start eating.

I've tried all 3 meals and they taste good! The Thai basil chicken and the beef rendang are quite spicy, but I'm terrible with chilli so it should be fine for you.

You can order online at notjustcarrotsticks.com and use SOCIAL20% to get 20% off all products (limited to one use per customer only).

You can also purchase them exclusively at Bukit Timah Plaza NTUC Finest and Parkway Parade NTUC Finest for the month of December.

#plantbased #notjustcarrotsticks #sp
    [GIVEAWAY: 3 x visors from @greybyortenhill] Some [GIVEAWAY: 3 x visors from @greybyortenhill]

Sometimes, all you need is just one accessory to make your look cooler. Cue my Super.visor from @greybyortenhill! I love how it goes well with active wear, outdoor wear, beach wear... so long as you're in the sun, it completes the look.

I'm giving away 3 visors (of your choice) to 3 people. They have the half (which I'm wearing here) and the full, and a few different colour options. My favourites are the gold (seen here) and the rainbow.

To take part, follow my IG and @greybyortenhill, and tell me in the comments below how you will wear this, eg. what outfit will you match this with, where will you go with this etc.

I will choose the winners by Sunday 2359h!

#supervisor
    PERIOD FATIGUE. Besides belly bloat, water retenti PERIOD FATIGUE. Besides belly bloat, water retention, moodiness and junk food cravings, the other thing I struggle with, during PMS, is the fatigue. The fatigue is real!

I find myself needing to sleep more, getting tired more easily, and even after sleeping more, I still feel tired?! What is this! Do you feel sluggish too?

Also, in the few days leading up to day 1 of the period, your athletic performance is likely to be affected so don't be hard on yourself if you don't find yourself hitting your targets or doing weaker than usual. You might want to chill a bit prior to the period, OR, manage your expectations and don't let it affect you mentally when you don't perform at the level you're used to.

Interestingly, I read that the body is the strongest in the first few days of the period! But with the heavy flow and the cramps, it's hard to feel pumped yknow.

Whatever it is, I continue to exercise through my period. You just gotta manage the intensity, effort and expectations!

P.S. Wearing the @teampurpose x @zachbitter running singlet in XS that is lightweight and comfy, and the women's high waisted 4" running shorts in M that is great for the no-thigh gap so you don't get abrasion from the bunching up of shorts between the thighs.

P.P.S. The gap on my medal holder is supposed to be for the 3 major races I signed up to complete in 2020 - Challenge Roth, Berlin Marathon and the Ironman 70.3 World Championship in Taupo, New Zealand. It will be filled eventually I believe - a part of me is like, whew the pain will come later; whilst another part of me is like, damn I wanted to get the pain over and done with. Either way, it's akan datang (Malay for coming soon)!

#cheryltayworksout #triathlon #triathlete #trifit #trilife #trilove #trigirls #getfit #lovefit #fitforlife #fitness #fitnesseveryday #instafit #igfit #ironmantri #ironmantraining #activelife #teampurpose #purposeasia #cycling #thecyclinglife
    When you think of a plant-based diet, some of you When you think of a plant-based diet, some of you might visualise eating carrot sticks, celery and cabbage, but there's more to a plant-based diet than just vegetables.

Not Just CarrotSticks offers plant-based frozen ready meals that are filling and nutritious. They go straight from the freezer to your plate in just 5 minutes so you don't have to worry about thawing. So convenient!

With both Asian and Western choices, the meals are 100% from plants, meat-free, vegan and halal. They also have a Fibre+ range for additional fibre and vitamins to help with digestion. Each meal costs less than $10 and can be kept frozen for three months. No MSG and preservatives are used as well.

If you wish to try, you can order online at notjustcarrotsticks.com and use SOCIAL20% to get 20% off all products (limited to one use per customer only). You can also purchase them exclusively at Bukit Timah Plaza NTUC Finest and Parkway Parade NTUC Finest for the month of December.

#plantbased #notjustcarrotsticks #sp
    The only time you should look back is to see how f The only time you should look back is to see how far you've come. Live a life without regrets, or at least try to. There are some incidents or experiences which you wish you could have avoided, but everything happened for a reason. It led you to where you are today. Learn from these and be better. You can always be better.

#pumasg
    BELLY BLOAT TALK. Hiiiiiiiii who goes through this BELLY BLOAT TALK. Hiiiiiiiii who goes through this every month? About 7 to 10 days out from the period, the tummy will bloat in ways that make you feel uncomfortable.

Clothes don't fit or you look "terrible" in some. You wonder if this is gonna be permanent. You question your body because not all your friends get it. You hate being a woman suddenly because of this monthly affair. Your boobs hurt. You keep craving for junk food.

Damn, this bloated belly can really affect your confidence. But hey, you're not alone! WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER.

I put on almost 2kg of water retention during the period and I have trouble fitting into some of my shorts and tighter tops. And then I have this habit of stroking the round round tummy and once I was subconsciously doing it outside, and this random guy said to me, "Pregnant ah?" I was so stunned I just smiled at him and walked away quickly.

But you know what? It's just temporary! Hang in there ya. Any remedies for reducing PMS water retention and bloating? Share please!

P.S. This photo is only the start of the bloat - it's gonna get bigger lol. Didn't stop me from walking around Sentosa with my tummy out though hahaha.

#PMStroubles #bellybloat
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